Freedom!
08 Nov 2011 5 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: freedom, hardship, hijab, life, mother, style
Today was my second day stepping outside of the house without a single item of islamic clothing on. Just me and my jeans. My mum said to me: “Don’t you just feel free without all your garms?” Lol. And I did actually laugh out loud. I did feel free. I felt like my old self. And although it was cold, and wearing hijab really does make a huge difference to how warm you are, I was happy.
With a spring in my step, I then added to my mum: “I feel like I need a new style”. She totally agreed 
It’s amazing how when we go through a period of hardship, and we make it through that storm, it has to be consummated with a spontaneous action. Some people choose a dramatic new hair cut. Some people book themselves a last minute holiday to a cabin in the middle of a jungle in Budapest. After four years of basically wearing black (with the exception of my coloured hijabs), I have forgotten what style I had. Bearing in mind,I’ve just recently turned twenty-five and am now mother to a beautiful daughter, I have a completely different outlook now. It’s exciting! And it’s the little things I’m looking forward to…like buying myself new earrings!
Life is still tough at the minute as I’m trying to sort out so many things (as you do when ending a long-term relationship) but I’m feeling positive and taking each day as it comes.
‘The future’s bright…’ (You know the rest 
)
Shit. Fan.
07 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: mind and body, shit hits the fan, sleepy head
This week has been a tough week. But today has been one heck of a day. I don’t usually use any sort of curse words but you know that age-old saying: ‘When shit hits the fan’? Well, there’s really no other way to describe today. I never thought I’d experience a day like this, and life really has become a lot more complicated. But with my amazing mum supporting me, and my inherited strength, I know I can overcome this. I’ll look back on today (and the days coming) and think ‘Girl, you did good!’
For now, I need to rest my sleepy head, and allow my mind and body to recuperate, ready for what awaits.
Positivity is the key
Hello World!
04 Nov 2011 7 Comments
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
–from the poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver
After reading this poem on another bloggers page, I had to put it here in my welcome post. I cried whilst reading this. At the moment, I’m going through a massive life change. I have separated from my husband and I will shortly be free from the binds of marriage. I am almost 100% sure that I no longer want to be muslim, after making the decision to convert nearly four years ago. I expect the first time I walk down the street without wearing my hijab, I’ll feel naked. And I will feel like people are staring at me. As a muslim, you become accustomed to receiving greetings from fellow muslims even though they are strangers. Its a bit like being part of a club. But I won’t look muslim…strange how things can so quickly become a natural part of our lives. It’s a scary thought, but I’m looking forward to that day. I’ll be sure to blog how it goes
For now though, I plan to start living my life again.
